


ME:Closure

by pianochic90



Series: Commander Jane "Jae" Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 18:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3864736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pianochic90/pseuds/pianochic90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan's letter to Shepard - dated 3 weeks after the (canonical) final events of ME3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ME:Closure

Shepard,  
You’re a hero.  
Everyone’s saying it...and it's true. The Reapers are gone and we can finally start to rebuild our lives.  
None of that matters. Not to me. I would trade the entire galaxy to have you back.  
I am so angry at you! You said we would be together...that we would find each other. You said that you would come back to me-  
You promised.  
I'm ashamed to admit that. I know that thinking it somehow cheapens your sacrifice, but I can't help it.  
Losing you again…it’s like a physical pain. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep...I can't breathe.  
The entire galaxy is moving on, starting fresh, and I'm suspended halfway between the present and the past. Dark memories. Old wounds.  
I wish...I wish we hadn't squandered the little time we were given. The things I said on Horizon still haunt me. If I hadn't been so high and mighty, so convinced you had turned, maybe I could have joined you. So much time spent apart, it was all so unnecessary.  
At least I know the steps of getting over you now.  
Don't worry, I learned my lesson last time. Stay away from the whiskey. Don't start bar-fights just to feel alive, to feel pain, to feel...something.  
This time I'll even go talk to the Alliance shrinks, pour out my story and let them tell me why and how I should move on. Maybe it'll help...I doubt it.  
Joker's pretty messed up. I think he always looked up to you as a big sister, as family. With EDI gone too...I don't know, he just looks so small now. So old. I'll look out for him as much as I can, I promise.  
We're headed back to London tomorrow. What's left of the Alliance is holding a memorial service for you and Anderson. For everyone, really. A lot of people aren’t coming back this time.  
Hackett wants to see me after the service. Probably wants to convince me to stay on with the Alliance.  
I just...can't. My knee is pretty messed up from the Mako that hit us. Liara’s arm too. Dr. Chakwas says I should be able to walk again soon, but it's pretty obvious I won't ever run again. What kind of shit soldier can't run?  
It's ok though, it's just an excuse, I doubt I'd stay even if I could.  
I'm tired, Shepard. These last couple years, the things we saw...the people we lost...I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm going home. Back to Vancouver. Maybe I'll get a nice little cabin with a lake where I can fish. The quiet will be nice. I'll invite Joker to stay for a while, he could use a vacation.  
This letter was supposed to make me feel better, to give me some closure-  
I don't know, maybe it did.  
I know Ash had some strong ideas about what happens after you die...I don't know what I believe about the afterlife, but it's a nice thought...you and her, up there together.  
Wherever you are...be safe Shepard.  
I love you.


End file.
